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One Foot in the Edit Suite

TV Comedy

I had a dream for Dirty Feed, you know. A dream to document every single edit made to pre-watershed showings of One Foot in the Grave on the UKTV network: specifically, Gold, Drama, and Yesterday. OK, it’s not a dream many people have, I admit. But it was mine. They’d been bugging me for bloody years.

So in 2018, I saw that Series 1 was coming up for yet another repeat run, and took my chance. And sure enough, the first two series were broadcast in quick succession. I patiently waited for Series 3. And waited. And waited. And waited. It never seemed to appear. Nor did the 1990 Christmas Special, Who’s Listening? Series 5 came up, bizarrely, and I diligently recorded it. But Series 3 and 4 never appeared.

Well, it’s two years later, and I’m bored of waiting for them. Moreover, my Series 5 recordings got lost when my Sky+ box decided to break just as the country went into lockdown.1 So instead of this sitting on my WordPress backend any longer, here’s what UKTV had edited out of the first two series of the show, as broadcast pre-watershed in 2018. If they ever get round to showing the rest of the episodes again, rather than The Green Green Grass on endless repeat for some reason, I’ll finish this little project.

Cut dialogue is indicated like this. Let’s get going.

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  1. Fucking piece of crap. 

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Here’s to You, Mrs. Littlefield

TV Comedy

Title page for Cheers pilot script

After nearly four decades, what is there new to say about the pilot of Cheers – widely regarded as one of the best television pilots ever made?

We can tick through the Standard Series Facts™ pretty quickly. Sam Malone was originally going to be an NFL player, until Ted Danson was cast. John Ratzenberger originally auditioned for the part of Norm. Before they decided on a bar in Boston, the initial idea was for a show set in a hotel. And you probably know what George Wendt is actually drinking at the bar, right?

If we dig a little deeper, however, we come across the strange tale of Mrs. Littlefield. A character scripted, cast, and shot for the pilot… but cut before air. Well, mostly cut, anyway.

Let’s find out a little about her from Sam Simon, writer and producer on Cheers1:

“There was another regular that was cut out of the pilot, did you know that? Boston is a very racist town, and there was an old woman in a wheelchair, whose name I don’t remember. I think you can see her in the pilot, in the first episode, I should say, because it wasn’t a pilot.2 They wanted to do the reality of Boston a little bit, and the racism of the town is certainly a valid topic for comment.”

Sam Simon, Television Academy Interview (49:24 – 50:05)

Then there’s this reader question on Ken Levine’s blog, another writer and producer on Cheers3:

“In Sam Simon’s amazing Emmy TV Legends interview, he talks about a character that was cut out of the Cheers pilot: A racist woman in a wheelchair. She was supposed to be a regular character, but apparently the Charles Bros/Burrows agreed that her harshness didn’t gel with the rest of the show.

Do you know anything about this?

Yes. The character was named Mrs. Littlefield. She was an opinionated old broad from the D.A.R.4 She was in the pilot and the decision to drop the character was made after it was filmed. Politics just didn’t fit with the mix. So they cut out her part, but there are a few shots here and there where she is still in the background. Just look for a sweet white-haired little old lady who used to have lines.

Since several back-up scripts were in the works before the pilot was filmed, we also had to go back and write her out of those episodes as well.

Again, it was a case of an actor being let go not because they gave a bad performance or did anything wrong. It’s just that the character didn’t mesh with the others.”

Ken Levine, Friday Questions (3rd January 2014)

Sure enough, if we go looking for her, we can indeed see Mrs. Littlefield in her wheelchair throughout the pilot:

Mrs. Littlefield

All of which is fascinating. But what nobody has done – at least as far as I can tell – is examine the original script of the pilot, and written about what Mrs. Littlefield actually said. But surely that script wouldn’t be readily available online…

Oh, hello. Final Draft, dated 16th April 1982. And it contains all of Mrs. Littlefield’s dialogue, every single line of which was edited out of the final episode.

Let’s take a look, shall we?

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  1. Among a million and one other things 

  2. You may note that I’m ignoring Sam Simon here, and refer to the first episode as the pilot throughout this article. I don’t know exactly why he doesn’t class it as a pilot; the episode was shot a few months before the rest of Season 1, as detailed here. Many other people who worked on the show refer to it as the pilot, so I’m going to follow their lead. 

  3. Among two million and one other things. 

  4. Daughters of the American Revolution. 

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An Exceptionally Important Piece of Analysis About Blackadder Goes Forth

TV Comedy

For a sitcom, Blackadder Goes Forth has inspired a great deal of scholarly debate over the years. In particular, the series’ portrayal of Field Marshal Haig as a callous murderer has become massively controversial. Is this simply devastatingly effective and truthful satire, or a fundamental misrepresentation of history which everyone has taken as fact?

It’s certainly an interesting question. So in true Dirty Feed spirit, let’s ignore all of that and investigate the show’s set design in painstaking and pointless detail instead.

One specific set, in fact. Because in my recent rewatch of the show, a few things struck me about Melchett’s office, back at British HQ. I am now going to share my findings with you, because you are special and you deserve it.

So let’s take a trip through each episode – in order of recording date, rather than broadcast.

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Songs in the Key of S

Music / TV Comedy

Whenever I watch Look Around You, I’m almost more amazed by the music than anything else.

Don’t get me wrong. The idea that I could write anything like Look Around You is thoroughly ridiculous. But I at least feel I understand it, and a little of how it works. Gelg’s musical talent is magical and mysterious to me. My brain can’t even begin to comprehend it.

Sadly, despite the odd suggestion from Serafinowicz over the years, there has never been a Look Around You album released. (You’d think Warp would have been an obvious home.) But that doesn’t mean that – scattered across the internet – there aren’t ways of hearing lovely, clean, extended versions of some of Gelg’s finest.

So in lieu of that album – which I still hope will happen at some point – let’s see what we can scrape together.

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A Weekly Look at the World of Science and Technology

TV Comedy

Today, we’re going to go down a particularly odd rabbit hole, even for this site. On the plus side: here is a 15 year old mystery, definitively solved.

So let us take a trip to my favourite comedy of the 2000s, Look Around You. Specifically, the DVD commentary on the first episode of Series 2, Music. But hey, Peter Serafinowicz, was Music really meant to be your first episode?

SERAFINOWICZ: This wasn’t meant to be our first episode, was it?
POPPER: No, and a lot of people on the net sussed that as well, didn’t they?
SERAFINOWICZ: Yeah. I don’t know, we…
POPPER: We were going to start with Sport.
SERAFINOWICZ: We were going to start with Sport, but… yeah, we changed it, didn’t we? Maybe it was a bit of a mistake to start with this one, cos it’s such a different one…
POPPER: I wonder if we should have started with the next one, Health. Medibot.1
SERAFINOWICZ: Yeah, probably.

Discussion about transmission orders is like catnip to me. I am the person who wrote this particular monstrosity, after all. And personally speaking, I think Serafinowicz is correct here. I love Music, but – Live Final aside – it’s definitely the most format-breaking of the episodes. It feels weird to break your format when you haven’t even established it yet.2

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  1. MED-I-BOT! 

  2. Having Sport go out first would also make sense for another reason – it contains the “Thanks ants / Thants” joke. That version of the joke going out in the third episode always felt a bit strange, being a straightforward replication of the famous Series 1 moment – the show had already moved past it. 

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“Two dead, twenty-five to go…”

TV Comedy

Last year, I took a look at the origin story of Fawlty Towers, and poked at it with an extremely large stick. I like poking stock opinions and anecdotes with extremely large sticks. It makes me very excited.

So, let’s do it again – although don’t worry, I promise this one won’t take four damn articles. This time round, we’re going to examine the inspiration behind the episode “The Kipper and the Corpse”; a story often told by Cleese. The most complete version I’ve found is in Morris Bright and Robert Ross’s book Fawlty Towers: Fully Booked, where Cleese is quoted as follows:

“A restaurateur by the name of Andrew Leeman was a great friend of mine and one day I asked him, “What’s the worst problem you had when you used to work at the Savoy Hotel?” Quite straight-faced he replied, “oh, the stiffs.” I said, “the what?” and he continued, “getting rid of the stiffs. The old dears knew the Savoy would always treat them really well, so they would check in with a bottle of pills, take them in the night, and in the morning the Savoy staff would walk in, pick up the phone and say, ‘We’ve got another one.’ Then the problem was getting the stiffs into the service elevator without alarming the other guests.” Well, I mean to say, once you’ve been given that as an idea, it’s just wonderful. And then you put a doctor in the hotel and it’s kind of a joy. Those ideas just write themselves. In fact, we called the dead body Mr Leeman in Andrew’s honour.”

Fawlty Towers: Fully Booked, p. 178

I have absolutely no doubt that the above is entirely true. I do not come to entirely bury this anecdote. I merely come to add some context. And that context leads – yet again – towards ITV medical sitcom Doctor in the House. Specifically, to the pilot, “Why do you want to be a Doctor?”, which Cleese wrote with Graham Chapman in 1969, a full decade before the second series of Fawlty Towers.

Why do you want to be a Doctor? title card
Upton entering the interview room

That pilot has a number of interesting things about it. From a writing point of view, Graham Chapman’s medical background was vital; a number of things in this episode turn up as tales in A Liar’s Autobiography, for instance. For me, the highlight of the episode is Upton’s horrifically awkward entrance interview for St Swithin’s:

Upton walks into the interview room. Three figures sit behind the desk. They ignore him.

UPTON: Good morning.

They continue to ignore him. Upton clears his throat and tries again.

UPTON: Good morning.

He realises, and closes his eyes.

UPTON: …afternoon.

From a technical point of view, the episode is notable for some extremely early colour OB work, rather than the usual film inserts. Indeed, the location sequences have a certain, shall we say, experimental feel to them. The series would stay with VT for its location scenes until Episode 10, “The Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever Casino”, where it switched to film for good.1

Michael Upton, on VT
A dead body being wheeled out of the hospital, on VT

On the subject of this location work, it’s notable that one of the very first things we see in the pilot is a dead body being wheeled out of the hospital. This show is not fucking about.

The pilot is interestingly structured; Part One before the break is all about Upton’s entrance interview, and Part Two is set months later, on his first day actually enrolled at St Swithin’s. And after a pathetic pep talk from the Dean, and a terrifying pep talk from Professor Loftus, we come to the gruesome finale of the episode, where Upton and his friend Duncan Waring are sent to the Preparation Room.

There, they meet the friendly Stebbings, who gives them an arm to dissect. An actual, real, arm.2

UPTON: Could we have the bag?
STEBBINGS: This is an anatomy school, not a supermarket.
UPTON: Where do we take it?
STEBBINGS: Dissection Room, Table 1. Keep the bones, but put the meat in the bin at the back.

Stebbings handing Upton an arm
Upton wandering down the corridor with the arm

Unfortunately, Upton and Waring get lost on the way to the Dissection Room. And as they accidentally wander into an antenatal class carrying the arm and cause a scene, you may begin to get more than a whiff of “The Kipper and the Corpse”, so to speak. There is an obvious parallel between Basil and Manuel trying to hide a dead body, and Upton and Waring trying to hide a disembodied arm. Still, I probably wouldn’t have bothered writing about all this if it hadn’t been for what follows.

Because in a panic, Upton and Waring go through a door, and find themselves in the street. As luck would have it, they run straight into a policeman, because of course they do.3 And when the policeman gets suspicious about exactly what’s hidden under their white coats, and goes to investigate it, he faints… and we get a striking visual which would be exactly replicated in Fawlty Towers ten years later:

A policeman lying prostrate on the floor

Why Do You Want to be a Doctor?

Miss Tibbs lying prostrate on the floor

The Kipper and the Corpse

And there we have it: an early version of some of the gags in “The Kipper and the Corpse”, a whole decade earlier than they appeared in Fawlty Towers. And proof that while John Cleese may well have been inspired by his friend who worked at the Savoy, some of the ideas in the episode had been swirling around his head long before he heard about dead bodies being smuggled out of hotels. So many different things feed into the creative process; it’s always worth remembering that a single anecdote is unlikely to be the whole story, no matter how much fun that anecdote is.

It’s also proof that there are still new things to be discovered about Fawlty Towers in 2020. You just have to know where to look for them.


  1. This colour OB work is so early, in fact, that despite being made in colour, all of Series 1 of Doctor in the House originally transmitted in black and white. Colour only came to ITV in November 1969, and even then, not all of ITV. 

  2. Well, actually, a bit of a dodgy prop. But a realistic arm might have been a little too much for the studio audience. They’re slightly unnerved as it is. 

  3. You have to allow sitcoms to get away with stuff like this. I once pinched my girlfriend’s bum while she was bending over in the car, and she accidentally honked the car horn. These things do happen. 

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I’ve Covered My Website in Complete and Utter and Total Absolute Nonsense Gibberish

TV Comedy

Slightly alarmingly, it seems I have been writing for Red Dwarf fansite Ganymede & Titan for a full 16 years now. My oldest contributions there can now technically have sex with articles from a Doctor Who fansite, to produce the most unpleasant offspring you can imagine.

Still, over the years, my contributions – while definitely increasing in quality – have certainly decreased in quantity.1 So this year, I set myself the challenge of updating the site at least once a month, a feat I haven’t managed since 2007. Slightly unexpectedly, I actually managed to achieve this.

Which means over the last year, I have provided answers to the following questions:

And to round everything off, I also wrote the G&T Christmas Message for this year; our traditional address to the nation rounding up all the Red Dwarf news over the last 12 months. Until fairly recently, I could have probably just written “that silly AA advert” and had done with it, but this month saw the first of two audience recordings for a new special to be broadcast next year. Meaning there will be a whole new spate of people saying “What, I thought Red Dwarf finished years ago with that dodgy one set in prison, I didn’t know there had been new episodes since then”, despite there being literally 21 brand new episodes made and broadcast since 2009.2

Away from the wacky world of Red Dwarf3, don’t forget that the 1st January sees the 10th anniversary of a particularly stupid website called Dirty Feed. So pop over here in the New Year for a celebration of the fact that very, very occasionally, I write something which doesn’t deserve immediately throwing into a large bin.


  1. And not just because of an extended sulk in 2009 after Back to Earth

  2. It’s no secret I’m not crazy about most of the new episodes, but if you haven’t seen any of the Dave-era shows and want to dip your toe in: my personal opinion is that Lemons, The Beginning, Officer Rimmer, M-Corp and Skipper are your best bets. 

  3. Or “whacky”, if you really have to. 

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Fawlty at Large, Part Four:
“Why did you laugh if you don’t understand it?”

TV Comedy

Part OnePart TwoPart ThreePart Four

LWT logo

In the penultimate part of this series, we examined the full wrath of John Cleese. Today, to round things up, I want to investigate his softer side. The softer side that nonetheless involves a sharp jab at his fellow professionals, because this is John Cleese: the man who deliberately broadcast David Frost’s telephone number to the nation because he thought it was funny.

And a character like Mr. Davidson – someone who is the embodiment of anti-comedy – is the perfect vehicle Cleese can use to slag off some lazy jokes.

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Fawlty at Large, Part Three:
“He doesn’t know when to stop, does he?”

TV Comedy

Part OnePart TwoPart Three • Part Four

Mr. Davidson and Collier

Last time in our analysis of No Ill Feeling!, we took an in-depth look at Dr. Upton’s nemesis, Mr. Davidson. We are now heading towards our final showdown with that particular fragment of humanity.

It is utterly glorious. It is also utterly savage, in a way that you might not expect from a 1971 LWT sitcom. And it’s something which seems to have been pretty much ignored by everyone in their analysis of the episode – in as much as the episode has had any analysis, beyond “look, there’s an early version of Basil”.

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Fawlty at Large, Part Two: “Join in the fun!”

TV Comedy

Part OnePart Two • Part ThreePart Four

Mr. Davidson

In Part One of this series, we took a trip to 1971 and Doctor at Large, where newly-qualified doctor Michael Upton went to stay at the Bella Vista hotel. There, he met Mr. Clifford, our ersatz Basil Fawlty, and had a fairly baffling time with him.

That’s where most analysis of the episode No Ill Feeling! ends. But to me, it’s really just the beginning. Today, we meet the real nemesis of Michael Upton… and John Cleese.

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